This is the third installment in my 8-part ABCs of Dating series. Enjoy!
J for Jesus
You know what they say, you can take the girl out of church, but you can’t take church out of the girl. I was raised going to church and went to Christian schools from pre-school through college. So J is for Jesus. I am open to dating men with other beliefs, but I seem to get along better with traditional Christians. It’s important to disclose my faith early on, since at minimum I need someone who can respect my faith, and not tell me it’s okay for me to have Jesus or God as my imaginary friend or some other disrespectful opinion.
K for Knowledge
This is more of a wish list item, or maybe even the holy grail of dating and finding a man. K encompasses more than just knowledge, it also includes maturity and wisdom. A good partner’s strengths and weaknesses counter-balance the other’s, like a yin-yang or balancing effect.
Another comparison is hinges on a door, where each half of the hinge interlocks into the other half so the door can swing open or closed, as is its purpose. As a couple, both members complement and support the other so each can pursue his/her goals and purpose in life.
A good example of this is ABC’s Castle, where the two main characters, Beckett, a police officer, and Castle, a mystery writer, work together to solve cases. Beckett is logical and follows police procedures, while Castle brings his imagination and sometimes crazy notions. Being a scripted show, it works, and eventually, the successful mixture was taken into their personal lives and after the typical seasons of drama, they married.
L for Lying
This shouldn’t come as a surprise, but lying is a big no-no for relationships! This story is a few years old, but I was so upset by this that I have told the story a few times (maybe a dozen … or more). I met a guy who was in the IT industry – since the current letter is L, let’s call him Larry. I assumed Larry made a certain amount of money – that he was very much stable and middle-class. At some point, he came out and told me he made x amount, which was considerably less and definitely insufficient for his lifestyle. He told me about his bills and financial responsibilities (his own and the support for his kids and baby mama), and adding them up in my head, I decided he must have a lot of credit card debt, since I did not think he was lying to me when he told me how much money he made.
Not wanting to add to Larry’s debt, I found reasons for him to not take me out to dinner and instead did at-home dates watching television. Within weeks, I realized he was adding nothing of value to my life – I can sit at home and watch television by myself without needing his help with that.
While I was figuring out how much longer I should continue in the relationship before ending it, Larry brought that to a head by telling me he wanted to take our relationship to the next level. I told him that I wasn’t willing to take on his credit card debt and support his lifestyle (and his kids and baby mama). Evidently that threatened his manhood and things got heated.
Larry took pride in his ability to pay all his bills and couldn’t understand where I got the idea that wasn’t the case. I mentioned some of his bills and the fact that he made x amount. Larry was like, oh, yeah, that. And then he confessed to lying.
Larry had gotten the idea from someone else who made more money than he and lied about how much he made by subtracting the same amount. However, this “someone else” was extremely comfortable and able to pay his bills, and dishonestly reducing his income made it appear he was merely comfortable and able to pay his bills.
When Larry applied that trick to himself though, he went from able to pay his bills down to it being impossible for him to maintain his lifestyle without severe debt. I’m calmly explaining this to you, but he was actually yelling his explanation at me, even though he was the evil liar.
Now, the yelling definitely brought things to an end for me. I had already made my mind up that it wouldn’t go much longer. The fact that he yelled at me like a crazy man when he LIED only made me decide then and there that we were over. I told him it was over, but he wouldn’t leave until he had his say.
So I had to stand there and allow him to talk to me, even as I wished I had a bouncer or self-defense skills of my own. I found myself agreeing to another date just to get him out of my house. When that next date arrived on the calendar, I was busy elsewhere.
The end finally occurred via phone and e-mail, especially after the lying jerk screamed at me over the phone for dodging the date. Somehow, we managed to part as “friends” and I have not seen him since.
The moral of this story is, don’t lie to me, and especially, do not yell at me.