ABCs of Dating, A B C and D (Part 1 of 8)

Since I have been single all my life – to just beyond forty, I have learned some things about dating and had some interesting experiences along the way.  I’ve also wished I could share some insight and tips.  This is my chance —    I feel so many are basic which led me to create the ABCs of dating – well, with my experiences and views.

 A for Assumptions

A lot of people think being single is exciting and full of adventure, like on television shows such as Friends or Sex and the City.  This is so untrue.  But it helps us start out the alphabet with A for Assumptions.  It’s amazing how things you think should be automatic or assumed just can’t be assumed.  For instance, a friend recently went on a date with a nice man who was educated and funny.  She found out on the date that he had a criminal record due to child pornography.   Oops.

It’s amazing that we have to ask so many questions before going out on a date rather than assume that the person we are seeing does not have a criminal record.   (There is a lot more on this later, in Q for Questions.)

Another assumption I tend to have when dating is that the men I meet or who are interested are in fact single.  Unfortunately, in the 21st century, or maybe it’s because I’m beyond my mid-twenties, lots of married men are out there looking.  We’ll get to that later though, in M for Married Men and a Certain Meme.

B for Boundaries

So anyway, it seems like you always have to keep your guard up, because who knows what crazy thing will come out of left field and take you by surprise.  And that is why it is important to have boundaries.  That’s B for Boundaries, by the way.  In addition to establishing your own boundaries, you also have to require respect for them, all while respecting your date’s.

I don’t like to be tickled mercilessly.  Call me crazy, I like to breathe.  It’s annoying and a potential deal-breaker when a date decides it would be great fun to discover my ticklish spots and begin “tickle torture”.  (I have an older sister and experience in this matter, which is why I call it “tickle torture”.)

By the way, the Amazon links herein are affiliate links, which means that if you click the link and it leads to a purchase, I will receive a small commission at no extra cost to you.

A good book about boundaries is the aptly-titled Boundaries, by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend.  <iframe style=”width:120px;height:240px;” marginwidth=”0″ marginheight=”0″ scrolling=”no” frameborder=”0″ src=”//ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?ServiceVersion=20070822&OneJS=1&Operation=GetAdHtml&MarketPlace=US&source=ss&ref=as_ss_li_til&ad_type=product_link&tracking_id=funnychia09-20&marketplace=amazon&region=US&placement=B000FC2K9W&asins=B000FC2K9W&linkId=088295962167978e89f705678380867f&show_border=true&link_opens_in_new_window=true”></iframe>

 

C for Church

So many things start with C.  Cookie, of course, and I am a big fan of Cookie Monster.  But let’s not get distracted (there are no cookies around as I write this).  I have been a church-going Christian all my life, so I will call this C for Church.  Here’s another disclaimer:  In this ABCs series, there are multiple times I discuss Christians.  Just like in any group of people, there are some stinkers and also wonderful, amazing people, so please don’t think because of my discussions of the stinkers that all Christians fall in that category.

I attended a church singles group in my twenties, but I emerged still single.  That has led to other issues – generally speaking, the well-behaved married men are uncomfortable conversing with a single woman.  Married women see us as a threat sometimes.  But worst of all, there are married men who are looking to provide, ahem, comfort to single women – yes, even at church.  But again, we’ll cover that later.

D for Domestic Discipline

Interestingly, it was through my church network that I happened upon a captivating notion.  The idea was spanking in a consenting romantic relationship, which is something I found titillating since reading a scene in a Harlequin romance novel in high school.  This domestic style was whispered about among women I knew, and well, curiosity killed the cat and I had to research it.

My research revealed it to be a bit abusive, where a woman agrees to certain rules and expectations, and if she disobeys or fails to meet an expectation, she may be spanked or some other punishment may be given.  Another punishment is writing lines, like “I will not lie to my husband”.  Can you imagine writing that out longhand one thousand times?  More consequences can be having to give up a special outing like a concert or a manicure/pedicure or a reduction in spending money.

Sometimes the rules and expectations are unreasonable, like when the HOH (Head of Household) gives his wife an awkward choice – i.e., if you do this, then you will be in trouble for reason A, but if you choose not to, you will still be in breach of the requirement for reason B, and you will still have to suffer.

Another negative is when the wife basically gave up being a mature adult, because no matter what horribly immature, selfish or rude thing she said or did to another, she wasn’t responsible for her own behavior.  It was her husband’s job to essentially be her parent.

It has been presented in the media (Fifty Shades of Grey) as only a bedroom (or red room) game, but it was presented to me by a potential date as a lifestyle choice and absolutely not an enjoyable game.  We know every rose has its thorn.  Metaphorically speaking, this man showed me the thorns and forgot to tell me about the roses.  That relationship never happened.  So yes, my view of it is pretty negative.

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Funnychia’s Favorites 2016

The following products are my favorite finds of the past year.  I hope you find some new favorites here too.

Shortie’s Candle Company Black Cherry Votives, Lemon Blueberry jar candle

Shortie’s Candle Company produced my favorite find of 2016.   My first purchase was a box of their Black Cherry scented votives (six in a box).  I started lighting one votive the first night.   The description indicates the candle will last about fifteen hours, and that may be a conservative estimate.   Unlit, the Black Cherry scented votives have a very pleasant fruity fragrance, but when lit, the fragrance is less fruity and more clean.  It’s a good combination.  The alternative would be sweet and fruity, and I’m glad the candle’s scent is less sugary and more clean.  I used the first votive in the living room, and I could smell the fragrance throughout the room.  The candle burned clean — there was no smoke residue on my jar.    It burned all of the wax, so there wasn’t any wasted wax.  I used the next votive in the bathroom, to chase away the unpleasant odors.  Somehow, it mixes quite well with the stinky air, and I can only smell the wonderful Black Cherry scent – it works better than the bathroom fan!

Because I was so impressed, I began purchasing their jar candles just to make sure the votives weren’t a fluke!   I ordered a Lemon Blueberry 16.5 oz. jar candle.  The jar includes a lid, but I can often catch a whiff of the candle even when it hasn’t been lit and the jar has its lid on.

Shortie’s Candles are hand poured using a soft food grade paraffin wax blend.  They are made in the USA with natural and essential oils.  The candle burns clean because it is made with a natural fiber wick – absolutely lead-free.  And this candle, being 16.5 ounces, is expected to burn for about 110 hours.

Yes, these candles are a bit pricey – however, I used to sell Partylite, and these candles are far better than those, and Bath & Body Works candles also cannot even compare.

In summary, these candles have good fragrance, good fragrance throw, clean burn, and an efficient burn that uses all the wax.  I give it a hearty stamp of approval.

You can check out the selection from Shortie’s Candle Company here: http://amzn.to/2g08EdI.

Dionis Goat Milk Hand Cream Artisans Holiday Gift Set

I discovered this hand cream set when doing Christmas shopping in 2015.  This set includes 5 1 oz. tubes of hand cream – Peppermint, Sugar Cookie, Vanilla Fig, Butterscotch and White Pumpkin.  It is also the first time I’ve used goat’s milk products and I am impressed.

I used the White Pumpkin first, and it smelled more like cinnamon eggnog than pumpkin.  Personally, I don’t care for pumpkin-fragranced items, so I loved it!  Next, I used the Peppermint hand cream and finally emptied the tube a month ago.

I started using the set at work in January 2016.  It is now December 2016 and I am only on my third tube.  This set will likely last me another year. I’m very happy with this set.   You can purchase it here:  http://amzn.to/2gVPWZs

The Honest Company Healing Balm Soothing Protection & Relief for Sensitive Skin & Diaper Rash,3 oz.

This product was recommended to me by my beautician.  I have worn glasses forever, and the area where my glasses rest behind my ears can get very irritated.  She was kind enough to use this Organic Healing Balm on my ears.  She noticed a difference in a matter of 20-30 minutes.  I so appreciated this that I went home and ordered a couple tubes.

I use it on my dry and scaly parts, including behind my ears, my nose (again, glasses are an issue), and my eyebrows (sure, let’s blame the glasses – it could also be having my brows “shaped”).  The healing balm works great.

A couple things to note – some of the balm seems beaded, and you can just crush the beads and rub them between your fingers before applying.  Secondly, I’ve noticed this when I use it on my brows – I apply it before bed so it can do its healing in my sleep.  The next morning, I have to make sure I clean the area well, so none of the balm drifts into my eyes, since it burns.  Overall, I love this product and recently purchased the belly balm for dry areas with stretch marks – my abdomen, upper arms and upper thighs.  You can purchase the Organic Healing Balm here: http://amzn.to/2h308vv

Murad Resurgence Renewing Cleansing Cream, 1: Cleanse/Tone, 6.75 fl oz (200 ml)

I was introduced to this product when I had a full makeover from cleansing to makeup.  I am not good about using it every single day, but I have noticed that when I do, my creases (the parentheses around my nose and mouth) are much less prominent.  The fragrance is very pleasant.

From the tube –

“Rich, cream cleanser removes dirt and impurities while combatting dry, lackluster skin.”

It also has papaya enzyme, algae extract, apricot and sunflower oils, in addition to “essential fatty acids”.

You can purchase it here:  http://amzn.to/2gDF2Hg

Santiro Women’s Lightweight Yoga Mat Thong Sandals Flip-flops

I found these this summer while browsing online.  These yoga mat sandals came packaged in a cute reusable bag useful for traveling or for toting other objects.  The soles are lightweight but sturdy.  They are very comfortable – they are prettier than flip-flops and yet not full coverage sandals, so I tested them by wearing them to my office job for a full day.  They were comfortable all day long.

I appreciated the support of the straps that held my feet to the sandals.  These are also good for doing laundry – my laundry room is in the basement.  It is too dirty for bare feet, and my preference is to wear shoes that are easy to put on or remove.  These fit that need.  It’s easy to walk up and down stairs because the straps hold the shoe on as opposed to some shoes where you have to clench your foot muscles so you don’t lose the shoe as you walk up and down stairs.  The straps are of a lightweight material, a flexible jersey.  They are pleasant to wear.  I experienced some soreness between my toes after two days of wearing the sandals, so I don’t recommend wearing them every single day.

I wear a size 6.5 or 7 and the size 7 sandals were perfect.  You can see this product for yourself here:  http://amzn.to/2h2ZbDB

P.S. I reviewed some of the above products on amazon.com, so a couple of my entries will closely resemble an online review.

I linked up here:  http://afreshstartonabudget.com/motivational-monday-blogger-linkup-108/   Check it out!

Funnychia's Favorites 2016
Funnychia’s Favorites 2016

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